I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
