is your mom at the bar?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
