I met the friendliest cop last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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