i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
