Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
