I saw his package. It spoke to me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
