How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
