You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
