Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
