The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
