we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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