Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.