Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth

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  (916): she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth http://tfl.nu/a27z
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (1886)
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  (845): View more from New York

  My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet

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  (845): My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet http://tfl.nu/jo6v
  Replies (29) Good night (958) Bad night (3734)
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  (914): View more from New York

  is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?

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  (914): is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville? http://tfl.nu/0twm
  Replies (44) Good night (1488) Bad night (5587)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

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  (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect. http://tfl.nu/17qr
  Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (612)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

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  (720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm
  Replies (48) Good night (5992) Bad night (2437)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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  (303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273
  Replies (3) Good night (3651) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.

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  (757): I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class. http://tfl.nu/buxk
  Replies (11) Good night (2439) Bad night (981)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.

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  (918): She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup. http://tfl.nu/rkhg
  Replies (8) Good night (745) Bad night (1465)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

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  (413): They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA http://tfl.nu/xggi
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (452)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.

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  (303): Get a piano. I want to have sex on it. http://tfl.nu/t29o
  Replies (19) Good night (2102) Bad night (537)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I had to rip your toilet paper for you...

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  (914): I had to rip your toilet paper for you... http://tfl.nu/xdup
  Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (701)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

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  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.

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  (513): I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point. http://tfl.nu/23a6
  Replies (2) Good night (250) Bad night (598)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

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  (425): It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord" http://tfl.nu/9kd9
  Replies (3) Good night (399) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"

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  (626): Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!" http://tfl.nu/r9i7
  Replies (4) Good night (459) Bad night (269)

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