im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??