I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
