I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.