Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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  (586): In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson. http://tfl.nu/nef3
  Replies (2) Good night (1559) Bad night (639)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i told him im from Canada, abortion is free

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  (613): i told him im from Canada, abortion is free http://tfl.nu/em2l
  Replies (137) Good night (4570) Bad night (1280)
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  (518): View more from New York

  She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.

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  (518): She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/b0ha
  Replies (7) Good night (3487) Bad night (703)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (5090) Bad night (9445)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

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  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1332) Bad night (5513)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1428) Bad night (3710)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...

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  (715): i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend... http://tfl.nu/erib
  Replies (3) Good night (3457) Bad night (815)
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  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

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  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (4189) Bad night (1140)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl

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  (785): says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl http://tfl.nu/t2ss
  Replies (3) Good night (2140) Bad night (914)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.

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  (210): Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT. http://tfl.nu/29iu
  Replies (17) Good night (4391) Bad night (1007)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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  (602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol
  Replies (6) Good night (2570) Bad night (831)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.

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  (970): I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/vise
  Replies (9) Good night (794) Bad night (3297)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm officially in the Christmas spirit

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  (610): THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER (1-610): I'm officially in the Christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/grxs
  Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (431)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt

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  (904): thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt http://tfl.nu/t37k
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (408)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome

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  (713): I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/qeoi
  Replies (7) Good night (1250) Bad night (296)

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