with your own penis?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.