I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
