just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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