hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
