dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
