he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
