i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
