i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
