What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
