i permit you to call me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
