Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
