Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
thus making me awesome and them whores
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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