What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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