how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
