dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
