She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
