umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Life is so much better after having sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
