from now on my penis is your penis
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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