that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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