if you like me you must not know who I am
my phone needs a breathalizer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
