My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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