the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
