I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
