I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
