i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
