So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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