Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone came in the potted fern
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
