you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
