No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
