please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
