Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
