I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
