idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
