wakey wakey hands off snakey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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