Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
