Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
