I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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