That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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