I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
