Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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