He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
