ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
