You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
