I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
