Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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