Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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