the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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