Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
