I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
