Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
