We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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