Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
