Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize