lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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