sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
