Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
