he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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