The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
