Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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