So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
