Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
